4:30 a.m. Wake Up Call

Apparently 4:30 a.m. is party time at our house. I have been up over two hours after waking to feed Zoey (after I awoke with a disturbing dream, which is another story altogether), and then Zach woke up screaming the he wants to go get the mail (which is, sadly, sometimes the only time we leave the house all day. Especially when I have been holed up with mastitis, as was the case Wednesday and Thursday.) I tend to Zoey, which currently includes blogging while I try to let her cry it out for a few minutes--I've fed, changed, burped, and rocked her already. And Corey's in further scoring favorite-parent points with Zach by filling his request for a sippy cup, which I refuse to do at this unearthly hour. Will everyone please just go back to sleep like normal people?!!!

Hopefully, all will be quiet on this Southern front in the next few minutes, or I'm gonna be one cranky, tired, and still-recovering mommy tomorrow!


**And within a few minutes, it was!**

One Month Old!

Time goes by even more quickly with two children than it did with one! The past month has flown by like a whirlwind! Zoey has been a perfect angel. Right after she was born she screamed for an hour or more, and I was a little worried that she would be a high maintenance baby. But she has proven me wrong, thankfully! Zoey is getting on a bit more of a predictable schedule, now that I am paying close attention. She is usually ready for a nap about 1.5 hours after she woke from her last nap. Her naps vary in length, but she spends a good deal of the day sleeping. We are still working on getting a set bedtime, but she's been sleeping from 10 or 11 pm to about 3 or 4 am before a feeding, which is heaven for me. She even slept 7.5 hours straight last week! She is usully pretty mellow and sweet. I think that when she was getting fussy before, we had just kept her awake too long and she was over-tired.

 I hate that she is getting bigger already. She weighs 9 pounds now, so she's gained 1.5 pounds in one month. Newborn-sized clothes are officially too small for her, and she is into her 0-3 month wardrobe. My favorite thing to do with her is snuggle her tiny body up on my chest and nuzzle her soft head. I missed that once Zach started getting so much hair! I keep wondering what she will look like as she grows. Will she get Corey's beautiful hazel eyes and auburn hair? Or will she be a copper-top like her cousin Spencer? Her hair could end up strawberry blonde like her Aunt Tessa and Uncle Nick's were. Will it be curly like Zach's (please, please!!), stick-straight, or frumpy/wavy like mine? She may have blue eyes and light hair, like her brother....Hmmmm...

 Another thing we love that she does is make her angel baby noises as she sleeps. I love these sweet sounds! Zach made them, too, but I couldn't sleep through them. I was up all hours, worried he was suffocating or choking. I am so much less neurotic with my second child, thankfully! I still worry like crazy about SIDS, dropping her, and other uncontrollable things. I just hate hearing horrible stories about things like that happpening. I know we all have our trials, but I hope and pray that ours don't include terrible things happening to our children, because I don't think I could take it. People that make it through such trials are amazing and so much stronger than I think I could ever be!
Zach is doing okay being a big brother. He adores Zoey, and is super helpful when he throws away her diapers and puts giant blankets over her face when I am out of the room and such! He really seems to be adjusting pretty well, but there are definitely times when he craves more attention from us, which is why Corey couldn't say no to him and took him along to his PPI (church meeting) tonight! It is difficult to give adequate time and attention to both children. I have no idea how you handle it with four and five children!

We are just treasuring every precious moment we have with these angel babies the Lord has sent us. I am so very, very gratful for eternal families, and for His plan that revolves around the family unit. I am so grateful for the Savior's teachings and for his suffering so selflessly for us that we might be able to enjoy the blessings of exaltation as a family unit in His kingdom. These children are such a sacred gift. I pray with all my being that I can raise them in righteousness. Losing one of them physically would indeed be crushing, but the thought of losing one of them spiritually would rack my soul with torment. I hope I can be a righteous example for them. I hope I can teach them their individual worth as children of a loving Heavenly Father. I pray I will be able to teach them what they need to know and do to find happiness in this life and to qualify to return to His presence.

A friend of mine recently sought my advice on having children versus and/or along with having a career. To me, there is no comparison. Any joy I have found in my profession, which I really enjoy, is so overshadowed by the immense satisfaction that motherhood brings. It is no contest. For me, parenthood has been the best teacher for what life is really all about. The other stuff is just fluff in comparison. I am not in any way trying to minimize the life experiences of those who do not have children. But what I have learned since becoming a mother is so much different and more vitally important than what I focused on all those years we did not have children. Every time I cuddle one of them up in my arms, or hear the precious word, "Mother," on thier lips, my heart melts and the whole world and all its cares can float away, for all I care. We have our own piece of heaven right here!

Mother of Two

So, you ask, how am I doing being a mother of two? Well, don't ask! Once my sister and mother-in-law left last week, the kids were both in tears within 5 minutes! I made the mistake of sending Corey back to the school to study--he has his Board exams this weekend--but it was too much for me to do on my own that first night. Of course, as Zach's bedtime came around, Zoey began screaming, so I had to tend to her. I usually read to and rock Zach for awhile before laying him in his crib, but I told him I had to just lay him down because I had to take care of Zoey. He just stared at me with questioning eyes that were filled to the brim with giant tears. So I teared up as I faced the reality that my baby was no longer my ONLY baby, and that I must somehow divide my attentions and tend to both my babies' needs. So all three of us were in tears at that point! I finally got Zoey calmed enough so that I could lay her down and snuggle my Zachy before he drifted off. But I informed Corey that I needed him at bedtime until I got the hang of things.

A week later, it's going better, but I am exhausted. I worked a half day on Saturday and came home to a perfectly clean house and happy children, thanks to an amazingly helpful husband. Yesterday Corey came into the kitchen and said, "Wasn't it clean in here yesterday?" Well, yesterday was a post-Daylight Savings blur. I honestly do not know where the day went. Let's start with where the night went. Zoey is a great sleeper-- especially compared to her older brother, who didn't have more than a 2 hour stretch until he was a month old. She'll usually have about a 5 hour stretch in the night, but she doesn't have a predictable schedule the rest of the day, so sometimes that stretch ends at 2:30 am, and sometimes it is closer to 5 am. So I wake up in anticipation of her feeding, and will often be up for hours before she actually wakes up enough to eat. Also, she takes her sweet time eating. It takes roughly an hour to feed and burp her. I do my best to keep her awake through feedings, but she dozes through them regardless. So I am awake several hours every night, I get up with Corey at 5:50 for prayers, and then Zach arises nice and early anywhere from 6:30-7:30 am. I am too tired to get fully up and around until 8:30ish, then after feeding and dressing us all, it's suddenly naptime. We try and go on a walk every day, and the rest of the day seems to be taken up with Zoey's lengthy feedings and me trying to squueze in some play time with Zachary.

Luckily, Corey's Boards will be over on Sunday, and then my mom is coming out in a couple of weeks, so hopefully I can catch up on some zzzzs. Until then, I'll probably be as groggy as I am right now! I do love these two kiddos and wouldn't trade my situation for any other in the world--I just wish I had a live-in nanny some days! I'm trying to enjoy and snuggle them every minute, because I know these days will be over  before I know it.

How it all Went Down...

Weird how I was pregnant like FOREVER, and now, suddenly, I'm not anymore. It's weird not to feel the constant kicking and squirming and giantness after so long, but I'll try not to complain!

I wanted to post the details of my labor and delivery for my own record, as well as for those who are curious, since I made such a big deal of it beforehand. I know some would rather not hear about it, so feel free to just skip this one if you'd like! I'll try not to get too detailed...

I was so worried about the timing of her birth--more so than HOW she got here (natural, epidural, induction, etc.), I was worried about WHEN she would arrive! I was also really hoping to go into labor naturally when the baby was ready, not really using any methods to speed up the process and to have a completely unmedicated birth and a relatively short labor. I imagined my perfect labor occurring while Zach was asleep so Corey and my sister Natalie and I could work together to get through it without having to worry about Zach. I hoped it would last maybe 5-6 hours (or less : )), and that I could spend that time at home, able to move into any position I wanted, until I was ready to go to the hospital when my contractions were coming every 3 minutes, which I thought would put me about 1 hour before the birth. I didn't care if I erred on the side of laboring at home too long and actually gave birth at home. I had a friend who did that last year. She was in the tub and the baby came faster than expected. Corey was not keen on that idea, though I trusted that he would do fine delivering the baby if it was necessary. I had actually wanted a home water birth, but Corey has not yet been converted to the idea. We'll see for the next one!

So we decided to wait for the baby to come on her own without using any methods to hurry things up. Corey assured me things would be fine with school (and they were- he mostly got As on all his tests he's had the entire week, and only missed one test that was one hour after her birth!). Saturday afternoon, my sister, Natalie, and I went shopping at the outlet mall for several hours, and I was feeling a bit of discomfort, but nothing too bad. I had really wanted the baby to come on Sunday or Monday so Corey could have a chance to enjoy her before having to head back to school Tuesday. But, alas, Sunday came and went without any occurrence (even after I walked over 3 miles with the boys in the double stroller!), and I was pretty discouraged. Monday morning (after walking another 3 miles!), I was checked at the doctor's office and had made no "progress" since the previous Monday--80% effaced and dilated less than 1 cm. It could easily be another week at this rate!

Natalie and I did a little shopping after my appointment, and I started feeling a bit of unfamiliar soreness and discomfort in my abdomen, but nothing I could put my finger on for certain. I though it could be just that I was getting so huge and heavy. We took the boys home for naps at 1, and I slept awhile but woke up at about 3 in some slight pain. We ran some more errands and met a lady at a mall to buy a stroller from Craigslist, and I was pretty sure that what I was feeling were contractions, irregularly spaced and not terribly strong or painful, just a bit uncomfortable and distracting. I have had several friends tell me they had a full night of false labor days before their child's birth, and I was a little worried that could happen with me. However, both with Zoey and Zach, I never had a single recognizable contraction until I was well into labor. So from about 5 or 6 in the evening on, I was pretty sure the baby was coming soon.... Yay!

We got home just before 9 pm and I had felt pretty distinct contractions anywhere from 2 to 10 minutes apart during the previous hour. I was ready for a hot bath right when we got home, so I had Corey put Zach to bed and got in the tub. It was strange, but the moment I started focusing on the contractions, they immediately became stronger and more regular. Corey began timing them before 10pm, and they were coming close to every 4 minutes, then nearly every 3 minutes for over a half hour. The contractions were pretty strong, and Corey was helping me by applying counter pressure in several areas and doing whatever I needed to ease the discomfort. He even brought me some ravioli and chocolate ice cream in between contractions! When it became extremely intense, Corey gave me a priesthood blessing, which helped immensely to ease both my body and my mind. Natalie was right there to lend a hand also. She endured over 28 hours of labor before giving birth naturally to her sweet son, Bono, so she was a perfect doula to help walk me through labor.

Finally, around midnight, nothing I was doing could ease the pain or intensity of the contractions. I tried all sorts of different positions and had Corey do everything we could think of to help, but I'd had it. I knew I wanted to go to the hospital to see how dilated I was and to have pain relief options available. A sweet lady in my church came to stay with Bono and Zach, and we zoomed to the hospital--only about 3 contractions in the backseat away! I had another couple of unbearable contractions on the way to the labor and delivery department, and about half a dozen more while I was interrogated about my health history. (What is the point in pre-registering if you have do go through all that in the middle of labor? I was about to scream at the slow-tongued nurse!)

During that excruciating hour, I came to the conclusion that if I didn't have some serious pain relief, then the rest of this labor and delivery would not be a pleasant experience for me. Corey and I opted for the epidural instead of IV narcotics to ensure complete relief of pain, and a call was made to the anesthesiologist. For the next half hour, I was literally on the floor, writhing in pain, waiting for labwork to be done so I could get the epidural (I don't remember having labwork done before my epidural with Zach). Luckily, I was able to use the only whirlpool tub in L&D, despite there being 11 other patients that night. It helped a lot, but I was still unable to focus my mind on anything but the pain.

It was 2 am when I finally got the epidural anesthetic, and I nearly kissed the anesthesiologist as the contractions got less and less painful. I was so relieved! My left side got much more numb than my right, and I started itching everywhere, which also happened with Zach. The needle was repositioned and the dosage decreased by 25%, and I was much more comfortable. By 4 am I was dilated to 8 cm, but progress was slow over the next hour. I was repositioned more vertically, focused on deep breathing, and the on-call doctor (not mine :( ) came in just before 6 am. He was nice enough, but he wasn't comfortable letting Corey assist in the delivery as he had with Zachary, which I was really disappointed about. (Dumb medico-legal garbage! Doesn't the doctor know random people have to deliver babies on elevators, etc. on TV all the time? Anyone that watches any TV at all practically has a minor in midwifery and obstetrics!)

It only took a few pushes until she was ready, and she came all the way out on the last one! One thing I loved about this labor and delivery was that it was short enough and comfortable enough that I was excited and alert when she was placed in my arms. With Zach, I was so exhausted, groggy, and numb that it was really hard for me to enjoy the moment. Everything was nearly perfect for Zoey's entrance into the world.

As for my infatuation with all-natural childbirth, well, it's still there. I think it is amazing and beautiful. I know we could all probably do it (barring serious medical complications, of course) if there were no other options, right? Pregnacy and childbirth always make me think of our pioneer ancestors. How difficult it must have been to be with child when there were no modern conveniences--no indoor plumbing for those numerous midnight bathroom trips, no anti-nausea medications for those who get so ill, performing hard physical labor throughout pregnancy, and on and on. Anyway, as much as I am enamored with natural childbirth, I think there are several reasons that, given our modern medical options, it may not be preferrable for many women. My thoughts are that some women have a much higher pain tolerance than others, some of us are just wimps :), some would just rather not feel the discomfort and pain, and some simply have more painful labors than others.

For instance, my amazing sister, Natalie, has dealt with severe pain for many years on a frequent basis. I think that her high tolereance for pain is one of the reasons that she was able to endure a long, difficult labor. On the other hand, I rarely have to deal with pain more severe than some moderate headaches and sore muscles, and when I feel those, I grab for my trusty friend, Aleve, so I am a bit of a ninny. Or else maybe the size and shape of my body just causes more painful childbirth than some other women. Just a theory.

So I don't know if I'll try again to go natural with the next one. My goal this time, and last time, for that matter, was to have as much of a natural experience as possible while still being able to enjoy it. Last time was a bit more difficult to enjoy for a variety of reasons, but this time felt perfect. I was able to go into labor naturally, labor on my own at home with my husband, just as I wanted, and able to get medication for the pain so I could enjoy the delivery of my sweet baby girl!  I did have to bear the pain for awhile longer than I would have liked, but as difficult as that was, it showed me that I was stronger than I had thought. So I sort of got to run my "marathon." I didn't make it the whole way by myself, but I made it further than I thought I could, and I still arrived at the destination, albeit with some assistance. It was all a really beautiful, strengthening experience, and this little angel was worth every minute of worry and every bit of pain I endured for her.

Zoey's First Ten Days

Please Put Down the Camera!

Oh dear! What can I say? I get a little carried away with this Little Princess! I've been waiting a long time for a girl to dress up and play with! She has been so much fun. Zoey is a complete angel. She has only been waking up once in the night to eat, and also sleeps most of the day. She only fusses when she's hungry or needs to be changed. Her temperment is so sweet. She likes to just look around thoughtfully at her surroundings, and especially gazes at our family photos on the wall (which I know she shouldn't be able to see because they're more than 18 inches from her face, but seriously, how do they really know how far a baby can see without getting verbal responses?! I think she likes to look at her family.) I guess my only complaint is that she is tending toward cluster-feeding. So she'll want to eat every half hour or hour for a few hours, then she'll sleep for 2 to 4 hours. She also likes to be held and snuggled (which Zach didn't really care for), and sleeps better that way than when we lay her down. She mostly sleeps in her bassinett though.

I adore my Zachary, but he was such a hard baby, I about lost my mind. He had great difficulty eating and sleeping, and I was up around the clock. The poor darling screamed all the time. I couldn't figure it out then, but I now realize it was probably because he was starving and exhausted. I still feel so badly, both that I didn't know his needs and couldn't meet them, it breaks my heart! I prayed that subsequent babies would be a little easier, and so far, Heavenly Father has heard and answered my prayers! I'll gladly take them any way they come--even if they're colicky and difficult, but this has sure been a piece of heaven for us!

So here are the dozens of photos I have taken of her in the 10 days since she was born. I know they are far from professional. It makes me want a nicer camera and some more photo lessons, but it's better than nothing, right?! Sorry for the extensive pictures, but these are for all the relatives that live far away and likely won't see her for several months.



I can't believe I'm a mother of two now!



 

My Tiny Dancer!



She's just going to have to like big flowers and bows!



Her hair is looking redder and redder!

 

Her Aunt Missy crocheted this precious, softer-than-silk, hat, mitten, and cocoon ensemble. I adore it!



 

Zach is the most concerned, adoring big brother ever.

This is her Victoria's Secret pose!